We’ve all heard of/seen/been a gym rat before so this is not new. But today (okay a long time ago), I came across a new species I am calling the Health Club Creeper.
As I have been training for my marathon, most of my time has been spent outside so I have avoided all the things I typically hate when hitting up the gym:
- Girls who have to wear the tightest most expensive Lululemon gear (I don’t even know if I spelled it right and I hate it so much I’m not even wasting my time to look) known to man. Apparently a t-shirt and shorts just aren’t effective enough for these ladies
- People who read on the machines going negative speeds so their ‘sweat session’ doesn’t interfere with the latest on Kim Kardashian and Kanye Wests’ relationship
- Guys with upper bodies the size of King Kong and lower bodies the size of a 12-year-old girl
- People that stroll through the locker room completely naked who always seem to have the locker right next to yours
There are more, but these are a few of the things I have not missed – but I digress.
I do still go to the gym at least once a weekend for my cross training which has been swimming. It is pretty much my least favorite activity since anytime I have to walk around in a) tight clothing and b) showing any skin besides my face and hands I pretty much have a panic attack, but I still do it to avoid the pounding on my joints.
Well, apparently, my gym has also partnered with the local chapter of creepers (non)anonymous because I swear every creepy, greasy, ogling, sweating, wrinkly weirdo from here to kingdom come is there. I try to keep my head down, shuffle to the pool and dive in (okay cannonball, I have no idea how to dive) to spend as few minutes exposed as possible. These folks clearly are not discerning about what they classify as good-looking because they stare (and not the sly stare we all do when you see something interesting, but the blatant I’m looking right at you and making you uncomfortable stare) at me each and every milisecond of this process. And they continue to just sit on the bench and stare at what seems like my (and any other female in the vicinity’s) every single minute move…today a creeper even sat on my towel!!! WTF? I swam for 15 extra minutes (which is fine) just so I could wait until him and his cloud of weirdness had completely left the vicinity.
The other thing that annoys me is that these kooks think a workout is moving 11 feet from the sauna to the pool and then 5 more feet to the hot tub and back. I’ve done a variety of gym circuits, but clearly am missing out on the best ones ever invented. And I’m not trying to look down on or judge anyone’s looks (lord knows I’m critical enough of my own), but their ‘circuit’ is clearly not doing a thing for them as they all pretty much look like mushy old potatoes with those giant sausage tubes from Costco for arms and legs. I have this vision in my mind that after completing this rigorous superset they all subscribe to, they roll on over to Golden Corral for the brunch buffet and justify it by saying, “I worked out at the gym for an hour, I can eat whatever I want!” If people want to stare and be creepy, the least they could do is hop on a recumbent bike or take up space in the ab area so women at the gym didn’t wonder if they were at the gym or the newest peep show in town.
I wish I could talk to the manager and get the skinny on when the creeper free time is….but sadly at this sketchy gym I think it is all weirdo all the time. Does anyone else have Health Club Creepers at their gym? Or any other fun (I mean weird) things they have seen at these fine establishments?
thosewhocantdoblog 